I recently turned 35. Not a particularly remarkable age, but one that makes me pause and look back. I don’t use looking back as an opportunity to hunt for mistakes. I understand how I reached the point where I finally allow myself to think positively about my body. This is a text about the small, seemingly imperceptible steps that led me to stop seeing my body as something that constantly needs fixing and controlling. Above all, our bodies deserve just one thing — peace.
Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl. She started practicing sports and became fit. Yet in her mind, she constantly thought she was fat. She was completely insecure and depended on external opinions. She believed that the only thing that mattered was being thin and beautiful. Otherwise, she didn’t belong in the ‘normal’ world. Does this story sound familiar to you? Or perhaps you are living it yourself, whether you are young, in your thirties, or in your fifties?
And then you ask yourself: Who truly owns my body? From birth, our parents and environment shape us. We are divided into pink or blue, cars or Barbies, successful or unsuccessful, fat or thin, ugly or beautiful. Somehow, we get the feeling that there is no middle ground, only two extremes. This reality is gradually shifting toward greater diversity. However, the enormous traces of old influences are still visible.
Our bodies are commented on from the very moment we are born, through:
- Comments that girls must be beautiful and always smile.
- Girls are being told to play with Barbies and make them look pretty.
- Teenage girls are being told not to wear loose clothes and not to look ugly.
- Teenage girls are being told to practice makeup and dress nicely to attract boys.
- Advertisements showing girls on their period smiling while wearing short summer dresses.
- Advertisements showing digitally altered naked female bodies.
- Discussions about losing a bit more belly fat or just five more kilos.
- Cosmetic surgery ads showing a 30-year-old removing wrinkles.
- The assumption that women should return to their pre-pregnancy weight, while nobody comments on their mental state after such a life-changing event.
- The imposition of the ideal “perfect wife,” who, besides motherhood, work, and household duties, must maintain her beauty; otherwise, her partner might leave her for someone younger and fitter.
- Comments from passersby while walking, running, or sitting, suggesting we should ‘fix something’ about ourselves.
- Thoughts about hair being the wrong color, thighs too large, buttocks sagging, or a bloated stomach.
- Thoughts about hair being too short, thighs too thin, a small butt, or too-visible ribs.
- Thoughts about being too hairy, unkempt, poorly dressed, or not wearing makeup.
Thoughts that we can’t wear that dress, shorts, or leggings because we’re not attractive enough.
- Promotion of influencers claiming they eat everything and stay fit, while spending hours exercising in the background.
- Comments on someone’s physical appearance (whether thin or large) based on stereotypes, often assuming large people don’t move enough and thin people don’t eat enough, without knowing the challenges that person may face.
- Films and TV shows emphasize that the main female characters must be beautiful, desirable, and pure, while their intelligence and resourcefulness are sidelined.
- Magazine covers give advice on how to lose weight by summer, repair overly thin hair, straighten curly hair, or become the ideal woman.
- Comments that put women over 40 in a corner as undesirable, worn-out, and less worthy of attention if they do not maintain a youthful appearance
- Fashion that for centuries has dictated the ideal body shape, leaving no room for diversity or privacy.
And here we return to the question: Who truly owns my body? If I hand it over to the media, passersby, and society in general, then my body belongs to everyone except me. In doing so, I surrender control and the purpose of my life to an industry that thrives on my dissatisfaction. If I give it over to my inner critic, I turn everything into a field of endless struggle.
If we pause and listen to ourselves and to nature, we realize that the body we possess is part of a much larger story. One atom in the entire universe, gathering experiences. It is an existence that has the right to freedom and diversity.
Throughout this journey, it is important to work on ourselves mentally in order to calm the inner critic. This has greatly helped in seeing reality clearly and accepting our bodies. You cannot hate yourself and your body forever because you negate your very existence.
Recently, two events reminded me how important it is to accept your body and do what you love. The first was an international sports competition, where I somehow expected to see only people close to the ideal. Of course, I would have stood out with my own appearance. But because this is a sport that celebrates nature, mountains, and thoughtful engagement, in reality, I saw diversity in physical appearance. I saw people who came to run and think, whose bodies were full of strength. A place where no one judges you for carrying a few extra kilos, but rather promotes mental growth.
The second was a cultural shock on the beaches in Spain, a country where topless sunbathing is common. How could some women not feel embarrassed? How could their partners react so naturally to their behavior? Once again, I felt the social pressure that it’s normal to hide everything, as if some danger is always lurking. In reality, these were women who didn’t hate their bodies, who wanted freedom, and who had every right to it.
In reality, these were women who didn’t hate their bodies, who wanted freedom, and who had every right to it.
Living in a country or place where diversity is normal gives you the opportunity to express your own uniqueness. Somehow, you feel more confident in even small things. Meanwhile, an environment filled with criticism and judgment only holds you back. In a discussion, I mentioned that in Spain, I feel much slimmer. In reality, the environment there subconsciously gives me the freedom to wear those shorts, be messy, or wear shoes on the beach. Who has an interest in judging you if you’re not harming anyone?
Love and confidence in your body can be noticed every day. It is present in moments such as:
- When you see someone giving strength to their body through exercise, regardless of how they look.
- When you wear what makes you feel free, even if it’s rubber boots on hot concrete.
- When you walk, dance, or run for joy, do so without punishing your body.
- When you stop comparing yourself to images on Instagram, in ads, or in magazines, we can’t all look the same—diversity is fun.
- When we are grateful to our legs for running, our hands for carrying, and our heart for beating.
- When we eat what feels good, not what we think we must eat. The key is balance.
- When your body gives you signals to achieve something, or sometimes to not cross your limits.
- When you want to age proudly, refusing to dye your hair or erase wrinkles, every wrinkle and gray hair is a life experience.
- When you take an image of special moments from events and trips, believe me, years later, the first thing you notice in an image won’t be your weight.
- When you have a partner beside you who is aware that together you will go through many changes in life, including bodily ones.
And finally, when you realize that your body is your ally, not your enemy.
Your body belongs to you when you give it rest. Rushing is never a good idea. When you nourish it with what it enjoys—even if that’s a Milka chocolate. What body truly enjoys being forced to eat only approved spinach and salmon?
Your body belongs to you when you praise it with words and actions, not criticism. For this reason, stop nurturing old learned habits of self-hatred.
Your body belongs to you when you let it be exactly as it is today—tired, strong, gentle, rough, immobile, or full of life. Stop fixing it; start living it.
For this reason, my body is not a project. It is not a task. It is not an advertisement.
My body is life.
My body is me.
Read more at my Substack profile.
