I love running. It is an excellent way to relax and engage in some kind of meditation. It provides me with clarity to consider other perspectives. Sometimes, great ideas come out for addressing various issues. Running calms minds and boosts creativity.
While running my favorite route in the forest, I heard the lyrics from a well-known song:
“Well, there’s broken silence
By thunder crashing in the dark (crashing in the dark)
and this broken record
Spin endless circles in the bar (spin ‘round in the bar)
This world can hurt you
It cuts you deep and leaves a scar
Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart“
The song by Miley Cyrus reminded me of all the relationships and friendships we’ve been through and ended and their significance. How do they affect our minds and believe in a human connection? Are we able to look outside our bubble and break the silence?
And somehow, I started thinking about friends from the past and the present. I thought about the people I knew, those I thought I knew, and those I may meet one day. About the people who currently don’t have any friends and aren’t weird about it. The ones who don’t want to commit to long-term friendships. About the ones that are hurt, but they keep giving a chance to others. In the end, I thought about the ones that stand alone. Believe me, I understand you.
Throughout our lives, we encounter a wide range of people. They empower or make a mess of our connection. Sometimes, those bad behaviors are equally mutual.
Some friends stay for a week, five months, a year, ten years, or our whole lives. The ones with whom we have a deeper connection are the ones we cherish and hold on to. They are extremely rare and worth every laugh and fight.
Every person needs someone. Someone who will ask you about your well-being. A person who will be there while you wait for the first flight, exam, happy news, or tears. Someone who will be a real friend and a reason to laugh.
It doesn’t have to be in a strictly human form. For somebody, that is a cat or a dog. On the other hand, it can be online help from a therapist or even ChatGPT. It’s nice to have so many options nowadays. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what suits you best.
The primary need for being part of a larger group in ancient times was survival. Human life depended on groups that provided food, shelter, and protection. As the group dictates the rules of behavior and obligations, humans must respect them. If not, they are rejected from the group. In the modern world, the concept of survival and friendship has changed. Can you see any similarities from ancient times that are still present? If you don’t share the same interests with a group, you are not welcome and usually ignored. Luckily, your survival doesn’t depend on that in the modern world. You don’t have to be part of your neighbor, relative, or college group. Technology and travel give opportunities for connecting with same-minded people all around the globe.
We have opinions about our lovers, but for friends, we like to think that everything is okay. By observing the people and their behavior around friends, you can spot certain things. Many friendships are actually just forced or form of a habit. People torture themselves with the obligation for contact with friends, relatives, colleges or people who actually don’t care about them. Behind everything is the fact that many are afraid of being alone. When connections don’t feel right, we start to feel like a broken record. That’s when friendships that do not have boundaries begin to fall apart.
I am grateful for the existence of an extremely small number of beings in my life. The ones who know my fears, happiness, and craziness. But I’m not the one who is a part of some large group or has a best friend. As a person, I’m usually the one who can stand alone with my thoughts and ideas. Maybe because of my previous not-so-good experiences, my attitude towards friendship is pretty clear. We are friends until we have similar values and interests.
I’m not the one who loses time by listening to the same story a hundred times, doing something just because I must, or encouraging bad behavior. As a person, I like to be educated constantly. Perhaps that is the reason I appreciate diversity in people rather than being in the same circle of friends for eternity. Yes, weird people are not pleasant for many, but their existence is important to the world.
When you stay in the same friend group for many years, there is little room for questioning. How do you expect to develop if you don’t challenge yourself with people who are better than you? I believe we should evaluate our friendship after some time. How much does that person contribute to our well-being? Does that person draw energy from us or impact our attitude? How do we influence that person? Are you usually their first, second, or last option? If the answers are mostly negative, then you live in a bubble full of habit, lies, and boredom. When the truth sets in, you should figure out how to navigate the heartbreak of your friendship.
In the art of saying goodbye, good knowledge of yourself is also imprinted. The person who is comfortable with standing alone knows her worth and needs. It’s easy to drown in a group without thinking. It is hard to be alone and meet yourself and all your fears. But the best thing is to know your principles, which makes your life easier. You will not be afraid to think about whether you actually need a specific person as a friend. You will know when it is time to say goodbye. And the goodbye letter would work totally fine!
Hello friend. Hope this letter finds you well.
I was thinking about our friendship and asked myself: Do I really need you?
Well, actually, I don’t anymore. Once, there was a version of me that needed you.
Thank you for every lesson, happiness, joy, and tear.
Thank you for those long walks and rides, as well as the long talks and laughs we shared. They will stay as nice memories.
Thank you for the courage you have given me and for the opportunity to meet somebody different.
But also, thank you for making me realize that I don’t want to be the last option.
I forgive you for every betrayal, fight, and tears. They faded in the first thunder on that rainy day.
I forgive you for not understanding me. I know, it’s hard for you. I wish you to be better version of yourself one day. Please understand that I’m not able to stay in a place where I don’t make a progress.
I don’t allow myself to be led by expectations but by inspiration.
Goodbye,
your ex-friend
